i realized today…

Love isn’t an option. It isn’t a switch I can flip on and off whenever I feel like it. It isn’t convenient. It isn’t limited to the people I feel most obligated to show love to. It isn’t limited to the “least of these” either. It’s the frat boy at the football game, the girl behind the fast food window, the guy who made your best friend cry, the kid who makes an art out of getting on your nerves, the girl down the street passing by going for a run.

How I respond to EVERYONE is important. God never made my mistakes into a funny story. He doesn’t laugh when I mess up. He’s never been angry with me without reason. I don’t annoy him. I’m not his project. He doesn’t look over me so he can get to someone more important to him. He doesn’t dislike me or ignore me or manipulate me.

But I do that. Casually, intentionally, subconsciously, however I do it, it happens. But what God DOES do is forgive me. Even for those things. I’m so glad.

jump…

“Let me be in love with what You love
Let me be most satisfied in You…”

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In a very simplistic sense, you can look at the Bible as a textbook or as a novel - both of which you can learn from, but each carrying some serious perspective differences. I’m learning how to approach the Bible and my faith as an ongoing story, not a set of facts to regurgitate. A narrative of the journey that God wants to lead. For most of my spiritual life I’ve focused so much on learning and understanding and knowing more ABOUT the Christian life and so little on the reason it all even matters.

The stories of believers in Scripture, cover to cover, are stories of intimate relationship. Jesus walked in our dirty world and suffered for a people who not only fail to deserve it, but who so often throw the offer of undeserved love and grace right back in his face. I can’t accept that everything he gave was with the intention of birthing a people who know all about him and live a respectable life in his name but can’t recognize his voice or truly know his presence. I started running from what I saw as the “Christian life” because it was fully attainable even if God isn’t who he claims to be. Because I couldn’t hold to a faith in him that didn’t need him. Fortunately God caught me first.

What Moses begged for and the only thing I believe can actually satisfy the deepest need of the human soul is an intimate relationship with God. I’ve tried so many different angles to accomplish that without realizing that what I needed first was to be captivated by his presence and to allow him to teach me what it means to be in love with him. I wanted to know his will without walking with an open ear to his voice. And I watered down what “God’s voice” meant until it became frighteningly subjective and sounded an awful lot like my feelings justifying my plans.

I believe that God’s heart for me is for a relationship. For a real, supernatural dialogue. For a closeness. For me to crave his presence. For me to know what it means to be lead by his Spirit. For obedience and a right way of life that stem from friendship and adoration and trust rather than from obligation or good habits. I really do believe in and desperately need all of those things. So here we go…