Left to my own devices, I can be an incredibly judgmental person. Of people who love Jesus, no less. I have few expectations of people outside of the church for the most part, but I hold my spiritual siblings to standards that I can’t even manage. It saddens me. I say that because I truly believe that by acknowledging the battle, you can win it – and I desperately want to be a person who loves deeply and sees through the eyes of a God who gave everything he had for us.
I have to learn lessons the hard way. A lot of us do. Learning to love that well is not an easy process. Just like the prostitute who broke at the feet of Jesus in Luke 7, loving deeply is a sign that you are aware of the depth of forgiveness you have received. “He who has been forgiven little, loves little.” It is the utmost arrogance to believe that you weren’t horrifically flawed when you were trying this thing on your own – and none of us would probably claim that we weren’t. Love is a characteristic mark that we grasp how much we needed what we never deserved. The alternative is the sign that we think the ones we judge are less worthy than we are, like Simon only saw that the woman was a sinner and judged her unworthy of Jesus’ attention.
As God reminds me more and more of what I become when I run away from his guidance, as I fall flat on my face time and time again ashamed of the depth I am capable of falling to on my own, he is creating in me a heart that judges no one and longs to see the love I have been pursued with showered on the ones I once turned away from. Not that I have it all down yet, because I don’t – but my heart is being re-tuned to seek mercy over justice and forgiveness over criticism.
Because I’ve been forgiven of SO much. May I never waste such a huge love.
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